A Weighty Matter

I know all about dieting. I've tried all the diets out there: I've gone fat-free, carbs-free, gluten-free, vegetarian, fruitarian, flexitarian, low-calorie, very low-calorie, no calorie – you name it.
Once, I lived on nothing but grapefruits for a month. I lost 2/3 of my body weight and 64.7% of it was off my thighs. I also lost the will and energy to perform simple everyday tasks, like getting out of bed in the morning, but who cares. I finally fit into a Gucci dress and showed my ex-boyfriend what he was missing: a whole 45.2 kg of fabulous!
I gained it all back (and then some) while I was on the cookie diet. Yes, it exists. And so do chocolate diet and junk food diet, look them up. I was gaining weight at the speed of 2 ¼ kg per day. My left arm alone went from 3.8 kg to 8.3 kg, no kidding. Each of my butt cheeks became 3 4/5 kg heavier!
I was a textbook case of yo-yo dieting. So I said to myself, “Denise, this is not heathy! You must stop.” Well, all right, my family said that. Actually, they staged an intervention. To which I had to be convoyed. I was furious at first! But since I stopped dieting, I've lost 99.9% anxiety and replaced it with 95% confidence (and 4.9% cake).