Dining Out, Whining Out

- First day on the job?
- That obvious, huh?
- Don't sweat it, you're doing way better than your predecessor. By the end of his first shift here that guy was coming apart at the seams.
- Why, what happened?
- It was patrons' complaints that did him in. Some people make a fuss over the most ridiculous things. We had a customer once throw a hissy fit over a banana split. He kicked up a stink because there was a banana in it.
- You're pulling my leg, aren't you?
- No, man, for real! See that woman at table 5? She's been coming here for a year now, every Thursday, 5 p.m. Like clockwork. Always orders the lasagna and always whinges about it.
- What's wrong with the lasagna?
- Apparently, it's not the way her nana used to make it. And that man by the window? His gripe with us is the table covers. Look, we're not a Michelin star restaurant; we can either have starched linen tablecloths or charge only $10.99 for a steak, not both at the same time. But the guy claims our synthetic table runners cause his skin to itch.
- How come he's wearing a polyester suit then?
- I know, right? Yet he makes a show of lodging a complaint with us every time he comes.
- How do you deal with all these weirdoes?
- We bring them complimentary soup… with, khm-khm, extra ingredients.