No Smile In The Laundry Aisle

I mean, seriously? Does she really think I can't be trusted to buy a laundry detergent by myself? After ten years of marriage she still considers me less competent in housekeeping than a two-year old! Well, this will prove her wrong.

What do we have here? The purple stuff and the green stuff. Let's examine the labels. I think the green stuff is the better of the two. It says here, it will make everything cleaner than ever before! It is easier to dose than other floor cleaners because of the ergonomic packaging. It lasts longer, which makes it more practical than the purple stuff. It works faster and with longer-lasting results… wait. Does it say “floor cleaner”? Oh. And the purple stuff is a grease remover for ovens? Ok, let's try a different aisle.

Now this aisle is clearly marked “Laundry”. And here we have… the purple stuff and the green stuff. Do manufacturers know any other colors? A-ha! I spot some pink stuff. Let's see. It works harder, better, faster, stronger, it is the most reliable, blah-blah-blah. The bottle is much bigger than those of both the green and the purple stuff. There is a smiling lady on the label. Which means the pink stuff surely makes ladies happier than any other laundry detergent. And on top of that, the pink stuff is one of the cheapest– sorry, one of the most affordable brands here. Deal! I'm taking two!

What does she mean, the pink stuff is a fabric conditioner? What the hell is that?