The "Upstairs Neighbor Noise" Program

Being an upstairs neighbor is a great honor for us. My husband and I work very hard to turn noise into an art form. We believe that upstairs neighbors have a responsibility to create a certain environment for those who live downstairs.
My name's Barbara. I live in the apartment below those people. I don't know what the hell they're doing up there! Every night I hear barking for about 10 minutes, then a thud, a sharp yelp and then silence. They don't even have a dog.
Yeah, my wife's really proud of that one. She practiced a long time to be able to sound exactly like a German Shepherd. Sometimes I howl along with her when I'm in the mood. It's one of our best performance pieces. She's working on a Chihuahua impression. Those little yapping dogs are so much more annoying.
Barbara: Then there're the times when I swear they're bowling. I hear booms like bowling balls being thrown and crashes like bowling pins falling. This happens every Saturday. Sometimes it's tennis. Tennis! I used to call the police. They'd go and find nothing. The police think I'm crazy. Actually, I think I am going crazy. I find myself muttering insults all the time. At night I sometimes scream into my pillow. I grind my teeth in my sleep, that is, when I can sleep. As you can see, I've already packed everything in boxes. I'm moving to a nice, quiet top floor apartment tomorrow morning.  
Upstairs neighbors: While you're here, you can enjoy our newest performance piece: a marching band. I'm going to be banging on this metal barrel like a drummer while my husband clangs these cymbals. We bought ski boots so we can really sound like a marching band... Oh! You say Barbara's packed up to move? Really? She made it for five months. That's much longer than any of the other seven previous tenants. We really thought we had something this time…someone who appreciates our art. Oh well.